The truth is, life is really, really hard. I do not speak Spanish (well) at all. I am constantly struggling to understand and be understood. I have classes with 40-50 kids in them with no wealth of teaching resources to draw from. Some of these classes don't seem to be learning a thing. or have any desire to even try. I am exhausted all the time. I went from a place where I had tons of different groups of friends in nearby cities to a place where I know almost no one. I miss my family and my comfort foods and activities from home. Sometimes it takes everything in me to keep from calling up my best friends from home and trying to plan a night out on the town. Plus, I am not making any money, I'm draining my savings, and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life when I get back. Some days, I wonder what the heck I am accomplishing this year.
However, with all that said, I can still honestly say that I am truly and completely happy here. I know. It makes absolutely no sense. But some days I can't help but smile. Whenever I am in the midst of my frustrations and I'm counting down the days until the next weekend, all I seem to need is one smile on a c
hild's face or one lightbulb moment in one of my classes and I remember. I live in Colombia! I have a whole new continent at my fingertips! And I am doing exactly what I love to do. Helping children. Learning about a new culture. And challenging myself every day. I actually love the challenges. I really do! Coming up against these obstacles and fighting my way through is what makes me who I am. While at the time, they may seem insurmountable, I can feel it making me a stronger person and I am learning a lot about myself and the person I want to be. Plus the feeling you get when you realize you are making progress is irreplaceable. The fact is, a lot of my classes are actually learning English!! I have students trying to form sentences and actually using vocabulary they learned. They will chase me down in the hallways or interupt my lesson to ask me how to say any number of words in English, and then actually try to use them. My Field Director was particularly impressed during my evaluation with my use of mostly English in my teaching and the progress the students had made in being able to understand. So apparently I am not completely wasting my time in the classroom.Furthermore, I am loving the time I get to spend with them outside of class. Most meriendas, or snack time breaks, me and a group of girls go curl up on the bean bags in the library and read stories in English and Spanish. After school, we paint our nails and draw pictures, all the while sharing stories about life and family. I walk kids home from school, get to know the neighborhood, and meet their parents. One parent even thanked me for spending time with her son because he doesn't have a lot of friends. And when I asked why, she explained that the kids in this area are bad news. So now twice a week , we play soccer (and I use the term "play" loosely in my case) with a group of boys after my afternoon English class. We play till it gets dark and wander home together. By the time my class is over, it is 5 o'clock and I'm exhausted, but those two hours kicking, throwing, and playing are just what I need to recover from the stresses of teaching. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Today marked another interesting adventure for me. A student had invited me to her house for lunch. While my better instincts told me that my Spanish skills were not up to this, and that I should just save us all the stress and awkwardness by politely declining, I honestly didn't know how to say no and not insult her. Besides, the other half of me was secretly excited by this prospect. So I went out, grabbed a dessert, and got ready for my afternoon. My student, Isabel, even called me early because she just couldn't wait any longer. And when, upon my arrival at their house, her younger brother of 3 years gave me a toothless grin and ran into my arms, I knew I had made the right decision. We had an amazing time. We ate a delicious lunch of fish, rice, platanos, salad, apples, and avocado. It took all of my might to finish the plate, it was so full. I looked through photo albums of faded photographs, played games, drew pictures, and received a lovely makeover complete with makeup and a new hairstyle. We watched some TV, and to show me that they had movies in English, I had the difficult choice between "What am I going to do with my life?" or "How to make decisions that honor God." Let's just say I feel much more enlightened now. After ha
nging out at the house, we took a moto through La Playa, waving at my students as I sped by, ending up at the beach near the mangroves. We played in the water, looked for seashells, played with the hermit crabs, watched a horse get a bath, cheered on a rousing game of water volleyball, and tossed a ball around on the shore. Needless to say, these clothes will now be going in the wash. The Spanish was hard and there were definite times that I struggled. But I did it. I made it. and every time I do something like this i will get better. Will I ever be fluent? I think its safe to say no. But I'm challenging myself and I'm making progress. It is exactly this sense of accomplishment, this growth, this progress that keeps me smiling. And every time I struggle with the challenges of being a teacher or living so far from home, I draw on this warm feeling and remind myself that this is what I love. Because it is. There is nowhere in the world I would rather be. And i wouldn't trade it for all the American comfort food or cushy adult apartments in the world. I promise. :)
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